real life

Just a quick post to thank folks for the heartfelt comments and e-mails regarding the last post. It was great to read people's experiences of sibling relationships, and a very helpful reminder (from Bonnie- thanks!) that these sweet little boys of mine will one day grow into men, and that this relationship will be one they carry with them for their lifetimes. It sounds obvious, but it is so easy to loose sight of the big picture when dealing with the tough little details. It is exciting to imagine all that they will share once we are past this hump.

Though I know some terrific people that grew up as the only child in their family, I did love having siblings, and am so glad that my boys will have each other. And Dorian is just the sweetest little addition I could possibly imagine. No regrets, just having to wade through the adjustment period as best we can.

It was rather freeing to break out of the shiny-happy mould here (and the post over at Stefani's blog and her funny flickr group are rather timely.) But I do want you all to know that it isn't so terrible either, days fluctuate between incredible sweetness and total chaos and back again. Maybe that's just parenthood for ya.

And we are having a good weekend together so far, more smooching than screeching, more laughter than tears. But a little bit of all these to keep it real.

some days

"It's stuck! It's stuuuuuuuuuuuuck"

Just so ya'all don't go thinking it is all sunshine and sweet stories and smiling children munching happily on boiled kale over here...

We do lead a pretty charmed life, all told. We sew fun things and have family dances in the kitchen and go for happy walks in our back woods and play with our natural wooden toys. But it it is still darn hard work some days. There are days that are so filled up with with teething red cheeks and impossible contrary-ness that I wonder if I will sink under it all. There are days where I raise my voice. There are days when I wish I would have done it all better, days when the dishes aren't done and the toys are strewn and there is no plan for supper and the toddler is screeching and pulling the baby's feet in the sling, and wearing a pair of pants that have clearly been peed, and telling me he has a headache in his tummy and so should be able to watch a movie ("NO! I CAN watch a movie! I CAN!)

It's funny with blogs. I am always reluctant to show the gritty underbelly of our family here. I think of it mostly as a cross between a baby book and a family letter- somewhere to record the milestones and paste in the cute pictures, not the place to record trials and tantrums and parenting conundrums. But it seems silly to be here on a regular basis and pretend things are always good and shiny and bright. Especially when times are tough.

And, here I am admitting that they are tough right now. It has been a hard adjustment since Perry has been back to work, for Ari especially, who for the first time in his young life, does not have the full attention of one or more adults. He is struggling and it is heartbreaking to watch, and so hard to figure out how to help him. We continue to try all sorts of things- special Ari-mama time when Dorian is sleeping, talking about when he was a baby and looking at his baby pictures, helping him find ways he can help take care of Dorian, spending lots of time with him, playing and reading and snuggling, inviting his dependence- letting him still be my baby if he wants to be. I met with our homeopath friend and got a remedy for him. I wrote an Enki-style mirror story for him. And we let him know over and over and over how much we love him, how precious he is to us. He is such a sweet, life-filled little guy, I want so much to help him through this with his happy little heart intact. And he will, right? People have siblings, and grow to love them and embrace them and know that they are all equally loved... right? Right?

And in the meantime we will just try and fill our days with as much of the sunny, happy, dance-party times as we can. And no, he doesn't really eat the boiled kale. But he does love goji berries and flax oil on toast.

a king's robe

One of the projects I got up to this weekend was to finish off the robe I had started for Ari. I cut it out under the Christmas tree hoping to have it ready for solstice, but it got lost in the crafting frenzy, being last on the priority list. But it is done now, and though I thought it was just a simple bath robe, Ari let me know that it is actually a king's robe. The crown helps with the transformation too.

This was my first try at making a garment from a pattern and I had fun with it. There are always these light-bulb moments while crafting- "oh, that's how a sleeve works!" The fabric was from my stash- I am on a serious use-what-you-have kick. Enough hoarding- time to use up the stuff I've been collecting. I made it big- size 4- thinking he can use it for awhile that way. The sleeves are a bit droopy, but he doesn't seem to mind.


It was pretty satisfying to see how thrilled Ari was with this mama-made robe. He actually said "I looove it!" and "thank you mama for making me a robe," several times. Right there is enough reason to keep this mama crafting for her kiddos. Next up, matching pj's for Dorian. I don't expect him to compliment me quite so heavily yet. I'll be happy just to get a few of his delicious gummy grins.

birthdays and boiled kale

Someone has been helping bake me a cake!
All I really wanted on this birthday weekend was some down time and time to sew, and I not only got that, but a lovely dinner and fancy cake cooked for me by the two biggest boys as well. I was able to spend a bunch of time in the sewing room, with only the wee babe as company, and what wonderful company he is. He happily kicked and cooed and made me smile as I whipped through a bunch of projects. I will post the projects when I manage to photograph 'em. The picture I did manage was of my lunch. My new favorite lunch.

Boiled kale with fried egg on toast. It is just right. Really.

And it's 31. In case you were wondering.

all that glitters

The temperature has dropped, and we find ourselves inside more than outside once again. While some days fly by, other times I find myself wracking my brain for ways to fill up the long hours I am here with the kiddos alone. We are a one car family, so the boys and I stay home a lot. I love it mostly, I am a home body at heart, despite- or perhaps because of- all the moving and travelling I've done in the past. I love being at home, finding rhythms that work for our family, fitting in projects and activities.

Yet I sometimes find myself looking forward, perhaps a little too hard, to the days when the wee folks in the house will be able to entertain themselves a little more and dive into their own projects. I know, I know- don't wish these days away. And I don't. I really do cherish the baby snuggles and the toddler stories and all that this sweet early-childhood time brings us. But really, is it so wrong to wish we could just play a board game now and then? Or read a chapter book? Or make crafts? These are the things I imagined doing when I thought about being a parent. I knew there would be spit up and tantrums and endless readings of the same worn picture books too, but I didn't think about those things much.

But Pictionary! Little House on the Prairie! Woodwork and Origami! These things would get us through the long cold winters, I imagined. And they will someday I'm sure, just not for awhile yet. There is plenty of spit up and tantrums in my future still. But we manage pretty well anyway. There are always blanket forts to be built. And glitter. Lots of glitter.

quotes

Some good recent Ari quotes.
On the moon:
"There she is! She can come inside and dance with me!"
"The moon is so small. A little piece broke off."

While squishing avocados to help with making guacamole:
me: "what'cha doing Ari?"
Ari: "making Guatemala!"

winter garden

Playing in the garden. Finding plants and frozen toys we forgot to put away. Trying to remember what it all looked like when it was brimming with peas and poppies and broccoli plants.

Even the compost is frosty.

Finding a different kind of beauty here in winter, a simpler, sparser sort.

one last catch up post

I am finally ready to bid the holidays and all their joys and crafty projects goodbye. Such fun was had, but it is time to move on! So here is a wave farewell to the holidays.

Above is a picture from the sleigh ride we went on- our solstice one was cancelled due to the extreme cold, so we gathered up a bunch of friends after Christmas and had ourselves a fun little trip. It was idyllic- old fashioned sleigh, huge draft horses, a cabin in the woods with a fire awaiting us, treats passed around (and maybe a flask or two!) and little kids heaped onto laps singing toddler versions of jingle bells. I had to post this because it is tradition now. (Notice he is still wearing that snowsuit?)
This is Ari working with great focus on one of our holiday crafting projects. We made lavender bath salts for friends and family, and he was able to do nearly all of this himself- spooning the salts into the bowl, mixing them with the essential oil that mama dropped in, and then filling the jars. He was pretty proud of all the jars and kept wanting to line them up in various locations around the house before we gave them away.

And here are Ari's Solstice gifts to Perry and Dorian. Melody at Little Home Blessings gave me this great idea for toddler gifts- gluing pre-cut felt shapes onto bookmarks. He loved this project (glue is fun!) and I got to use up a bunch of those tiny wool felt scraps I've been saving up, sure they would be useful sometime. The little pillow/soft toy is for Dorian, though I plan to secure the shapes on a bit better before I let him at it. Not that he could do much with it just yet, but I have no doubts that the putting-everything-into-mouth phase is not far away. Here are the ones Melody's little guy made. Thanks for the fun idea Melody!

And Ari's gift to me. Made in Papa's art studio with a paint roller and hand prints and lots of different paint colours. He was able to keep this mostly a secret from me, only saying he got to paint in Papa's studio, but that I couldn't know about it.

There is no picture of the gift I made for Perry because I didn't like how it turned out at all. It was a knitted hat from my wool stash, but just not what I wanted it to be. I have plans to try again, but I am taking a break from it (aka knitting a hat for myself.) Maybe I'll have him pick out the wool next time, to ensure success.

There. Goodbye holidays, hello new year!

little pixie

This little hat was my gift to Dorian for Solstice. Though I must admit he wore it out the night before Solstice since my reason for knitting it was that he was in need of a something woolly to keep his little head warm with the extreme cold we'd been having. I wrapped it up just the same for Solstice morning and he didn't seem to mind.

It is from the giving pixie pattern from Little Turtle Knits. A funny little hat that knit up so strangely I was sure I was doing something wrong. But once I put it on his little head I decided things were alright. He looked perfectly pixie-ish in it. I used the same left over O-wool as Ari's horse's mane, with some superthin natural wool I had in my stash to bulk it up a bit. I have to say though, that both he and Ari are mostly wearing the hats my brother knit them (Dorian's is seen here.) They fit great, are super warm and I enjoy telling people that my baby brother made them. Because that is cool.

feed the birds

Perry's Solstice gift for the family. We had been talking about a bird feeder for a long time, but I didn't like any of the ones in town- I wanted something simple- so faux shingles or etched plexiglass. So he built this one (mostly) from materials we had around. We are loving it. It took awhile for the birds to find it- we had to fill the feeder with black sunflower seeds (none of this seed-mix nonsense for these little fellows,) and do a little winter landscaping - plant our christmas tree and other tree cutting into the snow for an instant forest!

So far its only been chickadees and gray jays that have come to visit, but we've been reading our book about feeding winter birds and plan to set out different treats to try to attract some other visitors. Ari was watching out the window saying "Look! They're here! I'm so glad they found it."