tea for one

I'm missing my love. Distances seem especially far now that I'm a parent; Bangladesh is unbelievably far-off from the baby and I in our little winter cabin. Since having Ari I feel especially aware of the threads that bind us all together and how fragile they are, how fragile all of this world is, these lives and loves that we cherish and hold on to. Sometimes it seems a wild, crazy risk to love the way we do. And yet, what else is there?

I can imagine him there, (assuming similarity to India, and remembering that one night I stayed there en-route from Delhi to Bangkok,) the heat and thick city air, the smells of incense and garbage and spices, the colours and sounds in the markets and on the streets- saris and bangle shops, flower stalls and blaring Bollywood music, street children tugging on your sleeves, the shock of so many bodies in one place after the luxury of all the space we are used to.

I know he is being treated like royalty by our sister-in-law's family, eating well, getting shuttled around by a car and driver, feasting and celebrating in family's homes. I wish I was there in many ways, I'm missing the excitement and the joy of experiencing things together, seeing another backdrop behind that sweet face that is so often beside my own. But the worrying mother in me is glad to be here with the babe. Ari has just a simple cold and that feels like enough to deal with right now. I can imagine how little I would be able to relax and enjoy the experience with heat and bug bites and new food and water and jet lag to worry about. It's worth a couple weeks of drinking tea alone and gobbling up e-mails from my love across the seas.

winter walk

Walking with Ari on a lovely frosty day. Sunny days like this lighten the heart.

















On the way back we found this on the driveway.













Lucky thing we were walking back the same way we came. Lucky too that the babe had socks under these wooly boots.

christmas eve block towers

Ari was entertained by his Uncles building him block towers on Christmas Eve.





wondering if he really should knock down this giant structure.




















And over it goes!

oh christmas tree

This is the best we'll be doing for a tree this year - a thrift store wooden candle holder that I got for $1.50. Decorating isn't high on the priority list with Ari not being remotely phased yet and Perry heading off across the globe on Christmas day. He is flying to Dhaka to his brother's wedding reception and we decided when I was still pregnant that it wouldn't be practical to take the babe on such a sojourn. Our minds were made up when we saw the list of immunizations we would have had to start giving him at 2 months old. It made me realize that the trip would not be for him at all, and that it would be selfish to drag him along. I am dreading Perry's absence, or rather, pretending he is not actually going at all. I even manage to fool myself sometimes- today I asked him what he wanted to do for New Years and he had to gently remind me that he would be touring the tea estates in Bangladesh. Humph. It's going to be a long two weeks.

In the meantime we are planning some good family visits and activities that might keep me distracted enough to continue forgetting that Ari and I will be alone soon. And I think Perry is missing the little chestnut already. He has been snuggling him even more than usual and spent the evening playing with him (dance parties are a sure-fire hit around here) and videotaping the giggles. We'll just celebrate the holidays together until the plane takes off.

freezer paper stencilin'

Having lots of fun with this project (thanks to crafty wonders like soulemama.) I tried out a few on Ari's old shirts and now wish I'd used some nicer non-stained ones since I like them so much.

I'm not too excited about the one I made my sister though. I am fairly happy with the design- it references the fabric she chose for her headband (yet to be sewn... the holiday craft crunch is upon me...) and I spent a bunch of time getting the flowers how I wanted them and I think they suit her. But the fabric paint- the only fabric paint I could find in town- is so shiny. I should have just stuck with plain white. It's sort of 80's glam, or worse, cheap carnivalesque- it needs some feather hair clips and a pair of cowboy boots, which is certainly not her look. darn. At least my sister is a generous spirit and will appreciate the effort even if it never makes it out of her drawer.

showshoes!

They have been waiting in the back room for the cold snap to pass and for us to get out on a family adventure. Bright red metal and the black of our winter boots, baby smiling in the backpack, sun sparkling on the snow in the back fields, tromping past the pond and into the forest finding tracks of deer and snowshoe hare, making a good loop trail that I can take on my own with the baby and arriving back home with the sun low, turning the barns and houses into silhouettes against the winter sky.

wrapped up

Ari has been having a hard time winding down in the evenings and has been staying up late most nights. I'm finding it tough to let go of this time- I treasure the quiet baby-free moments, and I use them to make stuff, catch up on the things that pile up and breathe deep. So I've been trying various strategies to get Ari to sleep. Last night I pulled out the wrap which I haven't used for awhile, I've been preffering the sling and the backpack these days. But even though I was surrendering my evening hours, it was lovely to snuggle Ari in close and realize how little time we have left for this front wrapping coziness. We spent so much time like this in the newborn days; how can I get in enough head kisses before he outgrows it? I guess I'll soon be snatching the smootches while he moters about on his own. So I'll put him to sleep like this even if it means surrendering the odd craft project.

{baby, mine}

Sweet baby. My heart is so full up with you. I breathe you in, watch your hands curl and uncurl, knowing that all I can do is love you right now in this moment as completely as my heart is able, even as you grow and change before my very eyes.

I want to hoard it all, the chubby fists, the sleepy rubbing of the eyes, the delighted squeal when we dance with you or fly you around the room, the way you lean back in my arms to look at me and smile. I want none of it to go. And I want to never hold you back from anything you need to grow.

My heart weeps and rejoices. I hold you as you sleep, listening as each small breath enters your lungs and leaves you, changed.

transformations

Trying to bring some colour and light to these chilly, dark, winter days. I dyed these playsilks with koolaid (tropical punch, lemon lime and ice berry- doesn't make me want to drink the stuff any!) filling the house with the smell of fake fruit. While they dried by the woodstove and Ari napped I put a smile on this poor bunny's face. I received this stuffed toy as a gift but the poor thing just seemed so worried about things and I never wanted to bring him out from the back room lest he make my baby world weary before his time. But today, we hung out for a bit, did a bit of minor surgery and viola! Cheery bunny!

Before koolaid












After


















Before












After

treasure basket

It's 25 degrees below zero and we are staying close to the fireplace! I made Ari a treasure basket and it kept us busy for a long time. It's a pretty basic idea, and of course he regularily plays with all sorts of objects from around the house, but there was something about putting a bunch of items into a special basket, most of which he had never seen before, that made it feel special and he had a grand ol' time. He sniffed the lavender pillow, flapped the ribbon around, chewed on the stone (until mama jumped in to rescue those poor new teeth,) and then settled on the garlic press and the toothbrush as favorites. He talked to that toothbrush for a long long time. We didn't even bother stepping outside today. The windchill is unbelievable and he looks so tortured in his car seat with 300 layers on. We'll just keep the wood stove chugging and the treasure baskets loaded with goodies until the cold front blows over.

busy baking days

It's been a little hectic up here on the farm this week. Perry is working a ton and has been prepping late into the night for the big annual art fair that is his biggest art-sales of the year. Everyone else seems to be bustling about too, a business is being started, work deadlines seem to be looming large, homeschoolers are especially busy getting ready for the season of christmas concerts and reporting, and the toddlers and babies are getting a little cranky and housebound with the cold weather.

And I am building up my respect and adoration for single moms, moms of twins, moms of more than one kid, really any moms at all- this parenting business is hard work! Ari has been readying himself for crawling- getting up onto his hands and knees and rocking back and forth- and he is grumpy as can be as his little brain works to process this new skill. I always thought whining was a learned trait, but I can't have heard much of it in his little life (at least I don't think I'm a whiner...) and he is perfecting the fine art. Only constant motion while in the sling of backpack and raucous family dance parties seem to cure the whinging for any length of time. At least we are keeping warm.

Today I managed to keep the whine at bay long enough to get this yummy bread baked. There are no photos because Perry his been hogging the camera all week for his art documenting, but I'll post the recipe sans photos. Its unlikely that there will be even crumbs left my the time the camera is back. It will be breakfast, lunch and dessert tomorrow while we man (man, woman and child, that is) the booth at the art fair tomorrow.


Fruit and Nut Loaf (inspired by a recipe in this great book)

1 cup water
1 cup sugar
1/2 cup butter
1 cup chopped fruit mix
1 1/2 cup ground walnuts +
1 cup walnut pieces
1 cup unbleached flour
1 cup ww flour
1 tbs baking powder
1/2 tsp salt
2 eggs
1 tsp vanilla

Preheat oven to 350. Add water, sugar and butter to saucepan and heat until melted and combined. Stir in fruit and let cool while assembling other ingredients and supplying your baby with a new set of pots to bang. Stir together walnuts, flours, baking powder and salt in large bowl. In a separate bowl beat eggs and vanilla and add them to the now cool mixture in the pan. Add this to the dry ingredients until just combined. Pour into prepared pan and cook 45ish minutes (it took closer to an hour for mine.) Enjoy without thinking about how much this bread costs with all those organic nuts and dried treats!

elves and gnomes and bears, oh my!

Well, we've been rather housebound up here in the great white north, the roads have been sketchy and Ari fights his snowsuit with a mighty screech. Our walks have been limited to our (rather long) driveway, because all our favorite trails are to thick with snow. Perry and I have our early christmas present to ourselves in the mail -2 pairs of discounted snowshoes! Yeah!- but until they arrive I have been looking for ways to fight off the cabin fever that threatens to attack. So lucky for me some new friends have popped by, keeping me occupied. Though they are a bit of an odd trio, they have some good stories.

The purple panda I made from this great tutorial on mollychicken's wonderfult blog. I will never reach such crafting brilliance, but it's good to get inspiration from the greats. The gnome is an Enki craft (yes! I will write about Enki one day soon!) and is also in Freya Jaffke's Toymaking with Children, that I took out from the library, but which I suspect has improved since its first printing, which is what I was sent through interlibrary loans. The book is ancient and smells like lavender essential oil. And the instructions are rather vague. I find the gnomey guy a little bit shady looking, being face-less and all, but he is actually quite friendly. The elf is all mine, made from bits of paper I have around. He is just an all round nice fellow.

raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens...

I thought I'd blog some of the things I love most, whenever I feel the need to get all warm and fuzzy. Here are a couple I was lovin' today.

A baby blanket made by a family friend. She spun the wool from her neighbours sheep, dyed the wool with local plants she collected, and knitted the blanket for my baby boy. So it is not technically mine, I suppose, but I feel lucky to have it in my home. It smells divine. Wrapping up the baby in it feels wholesome and yummy and good.



Buttons. They feel wonderfully old, like they belonged to your grandmother, but wonderfully clean and new, like they just came from some special button making machine. I especially love buttons in a jar. But spilling them out feels good too.



This spiral. It's perfect I think.

Finished!

I finished it! Nevermind that none of the corners are square or that it is rather wonky in spots. My target audience is pleased (though takes exploration of new things very seriously, hence the rather solemn expression,) and spent a long time trying out each little doodad and tag and knob. He is especially fond of the knots in the cord at the bottom. I remembered why I've always got frustrated with sewing projects though... they demand such precision! I love the creative part, and the fine details are fun, though I'm just learning how to do 'em, but all the math and measuring makes me crazy. I'm still afraid to bring out the sewing machine. We've had an unhealthy relationship fraught with fights, cursing and general breakdown. I am hoping we can work through this difficult past and get over our differences. I have a waldorf baby doll kit here that is counting on our reconciliation.

tragic popcicles

These coloured chunks of ice are tragic despite being kinda pretty. We had a beautiful fence before the storm, a cedar fence with a row on top of glass jars filled with coloured water. We've dumped out the water and left just the glass for the winter in the past, which was nice in its simple way, but we didn't get to the jars before the freak cold snap and they shattered. Perry spent many hours clearing up the mess and we both felt sad about loosing the jars, especially the antique ones we'd found. But it's all cleaned up now, and the frozen water has become Perry's latest art installation medium.

busy busy baby

My baby is a busy boy these days. He has sprouted two new teeth, (that makes 4 little sharpies; dangerous little things they are...) has discovered rolling as a form of transportation, is sitting up unassisted (okay, there are pillows to assist him... he does tend to dive towards objects he is interested in and ends up belly flopping hither and thither, but he can sit on his own now, if he wants to,) pushing up on all fours and into "bear walk" position, and has started giving me big drooly, open-mouthed kisses on the cheek when I ask for them. We've not been very good at documenting these new events, but I'll get on it and post some photos soon of my amazing wonder-boy.

He also had his first official taste of solid food; the unofficial tastes being "flavour spoons" of various parental foods which he seemed pretty interested in. But when it came right down to the eating of actual food he said "this is what all the fuss is about? I'll take mama's milk any day." See? This is clearly what he's saying.

6 months ago today,

This little chestnut came into the world.

How incredible it is.

I think I'll celebrate by finally sitting down and writing my birth story. It just seemed impossibly fresh and naked and raw for so long after giving birth, but now I've had some time to process it (and forget some of the hard details like times and order of events- It'll have to be a co-write with Perry and my doulas) and I think its time.

Happy birthday beautiful little love. I'm so glad you're here.

crafty moments

Inspired by Ari's love of tags, knots, ribbons and other fiddly doodads, I am making a felt book for him with all the aforementioned bits-and-bobs. I am realizing however, that one of the secrets of effective crafting is to have a good stash of supplies, of which I am lacking. Therefore this is not quite the project it could be, if I were not a rank beginner with a meager craft cupboard. Living in a small town with a teeny craft store doesn't help- the owner looked at me sideways when I asked if she had wool felt, unvarnished wooden beads, a felting needle... but I'll support her family business all I can and then order the other stuff on-line I guess... but for now, I'm going ahead with this little book; crappy craft felt and all. Here is the first page (of 2 plus the cover and back! Like I said, I'm starting small!)

prince Ari

With many Halloween festivities cancelled because of the snow, we held an impromptu party up here on the farm to attempt to ease the disappointment for the little ones. Our family hadn't planned on doing much anyway- toddler parties and fireworks not sounding much like Ari's style at this stage, so I hadn't figured on a costume. So, with a party to attend, the crafting newbie had to whip up a little something special (I never imagined myself as the kind of mom that would whip up a costume, but I'm liking it!) Using the vest that he never wore to his auntie and uncle's Bengali wedding (it was too big, but he did wear the shirt that it came with,) and a quickly sewn felt crown, he was transformed into Prince Ari. I found a shawl and string of star garland for me (the queen mother) and Perry, from a box in the back barn, donned a blue wig and that strange goth tie-dye shirt he's had (and loved) since high school (the jester.) I wont post the parent's terrible pics, but here is Ari, stunned by all the costumes and noisy Halloween hoopla.

snowed in!

Winter has arrived early, and in full force! A few days ago we received 3 feet of snow all in one big dump and it felt like quite an adventure shovelling and plowing and keeping the fires stoked, especially for Perry's folks who were here for a visit on their way to their Mexican winter getaway. This first picture was taken the day before the storm. The one inside the house shows the snow sliding off the roof and covering the window; at one point it was covered entirely.

Winter is here, and Ari doesn't mind!

But yesterday was a day of processing the fact that it is winter in October and that there are many long months of bundling the baby and entertaining ourselves in our little cabin. It will be a long one. My response to this has been to craft the days away. I've never been much for crafts (or at least finishing them!) but suddenly, some combination of maternal hormones and winter weather have dredged up my inner crafting demons. That doesn't mean I'm any good; it is anybody's guess what genus the the bathtub puppet I knit Ari during the storm could belong to, and the crayon case I am working on is not square and is threatening to be a bit problematic. But I'm having fun and keeping my brain from freezing along with the ice on the roads.