2009

Happy New Year, friends.

a little bit of peace

A beautiful family walk in the cold and sun. Feeling a little peace again in my heart for the first time since I heard the news. Remembering that I need to invite joy in to live beside the sadness; gratitude along with the grief. That nothing can take away the sadness of this time, or the horror of what these people I love are facing, but that being fully and wholly present with my own children, with my own life is more important now than ever.
It is all so precious. Every single moment a treasure. And I want be present for every sun-filled, gingerbread scented, snowsparkling day on this planet that I can. Really present. The way little W. is. The way all our incredible little people are.

heartsick

Just last week I chatted with my friend when she came to pick up her oldest daughter from preschool about how her littlest one seemed to finally be over the stomach flu. This week they are dealing with the words: cancer. ICU. chemotherapy. surgery. It is horrifying to imagine what those words must sound like when spoken about your own child. I am heartsick for this dear sweet little girl, for her amazing parents, for her four-year-old big sister. They will have to spend many months far from home while precious W. undergoes treatment. I want to make this nightmare go away for them. My heart is filled with constant prayers and thoughts of love and strength and healing for this sweet little one and her family as they traverse this impossibly difficult journey.

fa la la la la

Have I mentioned that the days are flying by? If only we could make the time pass this quickly in say, March, we'd be set. Just a few quick pictures of our days.

::lots of holiday crafting. Stringing a cranberry garland. This was a bit hard for Ari, but he was happy to help and then to play with the garland as it was being made. It was turned into a fishing net, a bracelet, and a piano until I had to put it up to keep it from turning into cranberry jam.
:candles at breakfast.

:: such beautiful sunny days.

:: and getting out to play everyday. Perry and a couple of our landmates flooded the pond last weekend and there has been lots of playing on the ice in boots during the day and then in the evening Perry and Ari have been heading out for a before-bedtime skate. So great.

:: and Dori has been regularly falling asleep while we are playing outside in the afternoon and then finishing his nap in his snowsuit. He doesn't seem to mind.

::playing inside. Taking a train to visit Auntie L and Uncle J.
:: our activity advent has been so great. Having a daily focus just helps the days go by so much more smoothly.
We are going to get our tree and decorate this weekend. I think this is my favorite tradition of all. I hope everyone has a lovely weekend.

adventing

Hello Hello. I am finding it so hard to get to this space, the days are just flying past. I love this season, it is just so full! I did get the advent calender done (laughing at myself the whole time seeing as neither boys are really old enough to care,) and I am really pleased with it. There are no numbers on the pockets yet and it is super simple, but it is perfect for us. The pockets are just big enough to hold a little activity card , or a small treasure. Next year I plan to embroider the dates onto some felt and sew them onto the pockets. I am also thinking of little flaps to cover up the days that have passed, but I am really liking how festive this looks on this usually bare wall, so I might just leave it. The advent gnome I made last year moves along the pockets to mark the days and that is probably enough.

A little glimpse of the Lucien my folklore fabric that I adore. I'm pleased to use such a tiny bit so I can savour the 1/2 yard I've got.

And holiday crafting is hitting a frenzy over here. There are 6 different projects on needles and several sewing projects lined up. I love it. This is a picture from a recent try at knitting and reading at the same time. Something I wouldn't have even thought of until Melody posted about it. A little crazy but more relaxing than you'd think.
Hope you all had a lovely weekend.

sewing tonight

Must.finish.advent.calender.before.tomorrow. Always have been the last-minute type.

joyful steps

Our baby walks! Dori has been walking for just over a week now and he is ever so proud of himself. Oh that baby toddle with the gleeful grin is just almost too much for a mama! This past weekend I took the boys to a family dance (so.much.fun!) when Perry had an evening work commitment, and Dori was walking all over the hall, trying to keep up with all the big kids. I was getting teary watching his shaky but ever-so-determined little steps away from me and into the sea of children. Oh baby boy, you are growing so very fast.

I wish I had some better pictures, the light is so tricky these days and I've been less inspired with photo taking. And no, we don't always dress him in smocks. He is wearing one of the preschool paint smocks for a project we were working on that I hope to post about soon. Though I do often look longingly at the pictures of the little boy in one of our favorite winter books- "Ollies Ski Trip" by Elsa Beskow, published in 1907. Smock, striped stockings under short pants and long curls. Why don't we dress baby boys like that anymore?
Though my new little walker could probably do without the clogs or the button-up boots. And he's got a ways to go on the curls.

rescuing a day

The day was going along well- we'd spent the morning snuggling and reading books and then playing in the bath. But the bath cut into my usual food prep time, and then the food prep felt hurried and I wasn't sure how we were going to fit our outside time into the mix. The boys were getting ramped up and needing my attention. Both of them were wanting to help and I was feeling crowded in our little kitchen with Ari's kitchen chair and Dori's (new, borrowed,) learning tower taking up most of the space at the counter.

I could feel my temper getting shorter, yet I was barreling ahead, trying to make space to grind flour for the bread I had planned to make to go with the soup. I needed to make that bread (yeasted corn bread,) to go with that soup (Portuguese fish stew) because this was what I had planned. The recipe book said they were delicious together and I was going to serve up this culinary masterpiece to my family tonight as planned. But the counter was covered in veggie scraps. The compost bucket was in the cupboard being blocked by the aforementioned learning tower. Ari was dissecting the seeds from the green pepper and broadcasting them upon the kitchen floor. Dori was dipping his sleeves into the dirty dishwater in the sink. I could feel my temper rising.

Thankfully, before I lost it, some little inner voice convinced me to step around the corner and take a deep breath. There, in the bathroom by myself for just a minute, breathing slowly, I was able to talk myself down. The bread could wait. Or we could do without it just fine. Being present was more important. Make a cup of tea. Sit down.

And so I did. I plunked myself down in a patch of sunlight and drank a scalding hot cup of black tea, listening to the sweet sounds of my babies- Ari making up a story (having moved over to the kitchen table with a blank notepad he'd pulled of the fridge as a prop,) involving just about every character from every book he's ever heard, and Dori exclaiming with excitement as he continued his archaeological dig of our cutlery drawer. I felt my tension slip away as I rejoined my children and the day, letting my expectations slip away. I finished my tea feeling grateful for that little piece of solace, and, singing our getting-ready-to-go-outside song, I led them towards the door like the pied piper.

Alright. It wasn't quite that smooth. There was still pottying to insist on and noses to wipe and snow suits to put on and there was still some amount of protests to go along with each, but we were not stressed. We were working together.

We headed out into the woods, making our way down a path we hadn't walked in a long time, exclaiming over the sights. We stopped to fill our pockets with rosehips and to watch the snow sift out of the trees in sparkling curtains. Dori dozed in the backpack. I pulled Ari for the last bit on the sled I'd brought along. We were happy and connected and at peace.

And for supper, we ate fish stew. Fish stew with toasted bread from the freezer and it was delicious.

winter looks like this

We are having fun. The winter books are out and we've been out sledding every day. Still knitting warm things. Feeling cozy.

weekend

It is winter here now. The snow has come and it looks like it will stay. I wanted to do nothing but sit and knit today, working on this little pair of rainbow mittens. A good way to process the changing of the seasons.

And now I'm off to an early bed, hoping to fend off the ever present cold bugs, another unmistakable sign of winter's arrival.

And thank you all so much for the lovely comments and e-mails lately. I am so thankful for all the kind words and the sense of sharing that I find in the bloggy world. An especially warm hello to Em at thepinetrees whose baby is also a climber, and whose beautiful rainbow knitting inspired the above dying and knitting project.

hats

I've been so bad about posting craft projects lately. I keep on making things here behind the scenes, but somehow never seem to get to posting about it. So, here we go.

Hats. This one is the Pilot Hat from Little Turtle Knits and I love it so much. It is the third one I've made now and I love making them. I used this yarn in tidepool and totally improvised the crochet flower. I don't know how to crochet and it probably shows, but it was fun. And I knew it needed a flower because this was for a little girl whose mama had fallen in love with the hat when it was on the cover of Mothering Magazine, and so it really had to have the flower. For anyone who might actually pay attention to the knitting details (And have a ravelry account!) that yarn weight isn't what the pattern calls for. I am a beginning knitter who has a hard time following rules (like I never swatch. I know. But it just doesn't happen.) More often than not that means I run into problems, but still I don't change my ways. So I made the size up on finer wool. Not perfect, but in this case it worked out alright.

And this hat from the party was a spontaneous thrown-together little project the day before the event. I traced the above pilot hat, which fits Dori quite well, and added the funny elf point. I would shape it a differently if I made another one, but it was fine enough. It is made from Perry's old sweater, cut from the bottom edge so the ribbing is a bit stretchy at bottom. I made a casing and used some bias tape for the ties. I hand sewed it (which explains the poky, funny seam at the back,) because my sewing machine is out of service. I like hand sewing though. I was glad for the excuse. And glad the party gave me an excuse to dress up my little elf.

oh my.

This is what life looks like over here (complete with counter clutter, kitchen mess and onesie tails. Just keepin' it real.)

He pushed the chair into position, climbed onto it, opened the drawer and tossed out the contents one by one. I caught him before he got to the knives. They will need a new home I suppose.

This is his blowing-out-a-candle face- or in this case, blowing-out-a-chopstick. The other day Perry heard the music change when he wasn't looking and found him up on a chair pressing buttons on the stereo. Oh, sweet monkey baby, you are keeping us on our toes!

the elf and the music man

We attended a magic themed party this weekend. Ari went as a magical knight (but still a rather fierce one as you can see,)
And Dori as a forest elf.

There was an open stage component, and Ari had told us in advance that he planned to play the guitar and sing a song, but we though it likely that he would get shy at the last minute and decline. But, oh no. The boy played that guitar until I pried him off the stage, telling him that other kids wanted to have a turn too. And then he got right back up once the other kids were through. There was lots of strumming and then some scat singing and then onto the beatboxing. He was getting so loud I snuck up to turn down the amp, and he was mad, saying "hey! I can't hear myself in here!" I couldn't believe it. Apparently two shy introverts can produce an unbelievably extroverted child. My boy is certainly proof!

And his dear brother is his biggest fan. You just have to say the words "Ari is singing," and he starts to dance. He has this adorable shoulder roll kind of move that is just too cute for words. Quite the pair, these two.

this and that

Our internet has been down for days, which has been a challenge- not only for me and my blog reading addiction, but also for the Enki course I am taking. I think things are sorted out now, though I am wondering at the wisdom of signing up for a course at this time in my life. Things feel busy. Really busy. And I am realizing just how day-to-day I have been living. Doing research and trying to remember assignment dates and phone conferences has been a challenge for my foggy brain. But a good challenge I think. Learning is good. Sleep would be good too, but I can't count on that one right now.

We had a fun Halloween. I'm never very excited about it- I often just feel sort of mystified by the celebrations. Blood and gore and spooky is fun? I try, but I just often feel confused by how much people get into it. But we did have fun. We went to a party at a friends house and there was a herd of three and four-year-olds and they had so much fun running (sprinting) from house to house, banging on the doors yelling "Trick or Treat!" gathering their treats and then racing off to the next house. Ari had rather limited visibility in his ghost costume, so I was jogging along behind, carrying the costume as he ran, and helping him throw it back on for the door-knocking bit. We laughed a lot.

Pumpkin carving was fun and this pumpkin is my favorite. I asked Ari to draw out the face on paper first, but since representational drawings are still rare for him, I didn't know if we would get anything that could actually be carved. But he drew out this adorable face with huge eyes and long smiley mouth and I was in love. Here he is on bedroom duty on Halloween night. A good reason to carve yourself a happy pumpkin- to help keep the Halloween spooks out of your dreams.

And the Switch Witch came to visit our house for the first time. Ari picked out 5 candies and then hung up the rest on the door knob for the Switch Witch and she traded them for a book and a little brio engine (his one and only battery operated toy and he is over the moon!) And a few ginger chews. He was thrilled. Dori got a little bag too with a book and a little toy rooster- his current obsession. He holds it to his mouth and makes and adorable crowing sound. The Switch Witch will definitely be visiting in the years to come.


I've been making the effort to have a walk every day and we've been really enjoying it (though it sometimes takes some coercing to get everyone dressed and out the door, adjusting to having to bundle again is hard.) It's chilly but lovely out, and the snow we had recently is melted and it is still feeling fallish. I wasn't quite ready to jump into winter, so I'm glad for that.
Despite the busyness and overwhelm, I am noticing so many small beautiful moments, and feeling such gratitude. I feel blessed. Full up to brimming with this crazy wonderful life.

ghosts and pumpkins and things

I have had some one-on-one with both of my kiddos in the last couple days, and it has been such a treat. Ari and I built houses and baked and painted Halloween cookies and chatted and enjoyed each others company. Poor Dori is pretty miserable with a bunch of new teeth coming in, and though we had some good laughs today (bouncing on the bed is funny! Especially when mama flops down beside you!) he was pretty clingy and fussy.

Though with this one, you can pretty much always find a smile.

And though I think having time apart is good for the boys, they miss each other a lot. They were so happy to see each other today when Ari got home from "Baba Dedo day." They hugged and laughed, and Ari is even tolerating wet baby kisses now. Such sweetness to watch these brothers love each other.

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And we have decided to do a bit of Halloween this year. We adults are a bit ambivalent about it, but Ari caught wind of the costume thing and was pretty excited, though not so excited by the idea of randomly knocking on people's doors- that seemed to weird him out a bit. Plus, we don't really eat candy and are less than thrilled with hauling a bunch of it home. So we settled on going to a few houses of people we know and to invite the Switch Witch to come and trade in the candy for a few treasures (toy, book, toothbrush...) We are all good with this plan.

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And the costume part seemed a bit tricky- Ari was changing his mind constantly on what he wanted to be (a monster! a lion! a thunderstorm airplane!) and it seemed that nothing I made was going to meet the expectations in his little mind.

"I want to be a monster. Like raaaaarrrrr! Like that!" he's say. And I would try to tease out what raaaaarrrrr! looked like exactly.

"With claws?" I'd guess.

"No! Like rrrrraaaaaaaarrrrrrrr!"

Right. But in the last couple days he seems to have settled on being a ghost. I'm not sure what he imagines a ghost to be exactly, but I took out the elastic and cut some holes in an unused crib sheet and he is thrilled. Yay for that! Because thunderstorm airplane was going to take more creativity energy than I've got right now.

We'll carve out jack o'lanterns tomorrow. These little local pie pumpkins became pumpkin butter. Also known as "pumpkin pie jam" in our house. Yum. Happy Halloween to you all!