I've been writing this post in my head all week. At first I thought I might not write it at all- it would be so much easier to just post a few more pictures of piglets or my kids toes in the grass and leave the hard stuff quiet for now. But this has been a week of witnessing a whole lot of people with hard stuff to say choosing not to stay quiet, an incredible, powerful week of hearing the voices of my community, of so many people I know and love, and many whom I have never met before, speaking out against the potential loss of the things they hold most dear in all the world.

I would like to stop you for a minute here, dear reader, and ask you to picture what you hold most dear. Think of your family, your kids. Think of your favorite places to be with those people you love- perhaps your back garden, your favorite walk in the woods or by your river or across your favorite stretch of mountain or desert or prarie. Think of the places that you love most in the world. Now think- if this precious place you are thinking of was at risk in some way, what would you feel? What would you do? And those people you hold most dear- what about them- what would you do to protect them?

I know this sounds dramatic. Drama isn't really my thing- I avoided drama class like the plague in highschool and if someone at a party suggests a game of charades I usually slip out a back exit as quickly as possible. But this- this is real life drama. This is my very own precious beloved places, my very own precous beloved people, at risk. 


And I realize how much I have taken for granted- that these things I love most in the world would be safe- that in our peaceful, safe, democratic country, the things I hold dear would be preserved for me, and that the health of the people I love would be protected. But they are not. We are not safe. These rivers and mountains are not safe- the water we drink, the food we gather and grow here, all this is at risk from the pipelines and tankers that are proposed to cut right through this natural, rugged, pristine home of ours.

There is lots of information about the proposed pipeline project on line and I will not try to give the whole background here.  Wikipedia  gives a good idea of the project and its scale. There is some info here on some of the risks, and information about the issues surrounding First Nations consultation here.
But anyone who knows this area, who knows the landscape the pipeline is proposed to cross and the coastline the tankers would be navigating, anyone who knows our unpredictable northern weather, our landslides, the extreme winds and storms on our coasts, the rough terrain,  knows this proposal is just plain crazy. 


This project is crazy on so many levels- because it would simply not be safe to attempt to ship bitumen through rugged terrain in pipelines that are known to fail. 


Because this is First Nations territory and they are opposed to the project.


 Because shipping unrefined tar sands oil to China when we know we need to be reducing our dependency on oil is insanity. 


Because our tourism and wild salmon economy is worth so much more to us than the few jobs this pipeline would bring. 


Because the people who live here choose to live here because we love it here. Because the water is clean, the air is clean, the rivers are full of fish, the mountains are full of wildlife, the communities are full of people who are in awe of our good fortune to get to live in such a spectacular place. Because this is our home. Because no amount of money is worth risking this.

This week the Joint Review Panel came to our town to listen to those affected by the proposal. Our federal government has already made it clear that it does not consider itself obliged to take the ruling of the panel into consideration in its decision making, and that it intends to push this pipeline through despite any findings of environmental or social issues. Obviouly this makes those participating a little less than reassured in the validity of the process. Still, thousands of us have signed up to state our opposition to the pipeline. 

In signing up to voice our concerns, our govenment has termed us "foreign funded- radicals" whose intent is to "hijack the regulatory system" by "stacking public hearings." Dear reader- do you see me- in my gum boots and hand knits- as a radical? Was signing up to speak against a project that could harm my family (even as I shook in those muddy gum boots at the thought of speaking in front of the panel-) was that stacking the public hearings, do you think? And if, perhaps, I do not come across as a radical- how about the others whose oral statements I listened to this week- how about the nurses, doctors, teachers, small business owners, engineers, farmers, choir directors, artists, high school students, councilors, biologists, fishing guides, healthcare workers, musicians, foresters, mothers, fathers, grandmothers and grandfathers? Were they foreign funded radicals do you think? Or maybe just everyday folks who live here and are concerned about our home? 

This week has been hard- so hard. It was, without a doubt, a difficult thing for me to get up in front of the panel to speak, but harder still was listening to statement after statement by people in my community- people speaking with incredible emotion- many unable to get through their statements without breaking down- all of them given just 10 minutes to lay out the very foundations of what they value, to articulate their connection to this place and their terrible fears of what they stand to loose. Over and over I was brought to tears listening to these voices, and I was able to think of little else.

But, even as I felt that my heart would break with the weight of it all, I also felt something lighter - something that felt an awful lot hope. And like gratitude too.  If you can imagine, dear reader, a community of people who are all thinking- as I just asked you to do- about what is most precious in all the world, and then being asked to stand up and defend those things, and that these people have at least a shred of hope that their words might be able to protect that which they love most in the word- well, you can probably imagine that those words would be pretty powerful. And they were. Those were some powerful words. And I feel grateful to have been able to be witness to them.

And I felt a great deal of hope listening to those voice. I felt hopeful that those three human beings on the panel would hear these voices and be moved by them. I felt hopeful that people coming together can make great change. I felt hopeful at the strengthening of our community. And I felt hopeful for the world as I saw how much love and connection people feel for their lands. I felt part of something bigger than this little room full of people in our little northern town- I felt all of us connected to a larger force of people who want healing in this world, and who are not willing to sit by and watch more of what is good in the world be ripped up before our eyes.

So for now the hope and fear sit side by side. The fear sits there deep in my gut, and it is not going to leave until we get the word that this project is not going through. But the hope- that isn't going anywhere either. That hope is just going to sit here in my heart and keep me beliving that we human beings are capable of terrific, beautiful things when we care deeply. And this graditute, it is going to stay put too- and it is going to help me remember that I am surrounded by incredible, powerful souls all wanting something better from this world.

But now it is time to get back to our normal lives again for the time being- get back to the garden and the seedlings and the piggies and to dig us out of the piles of laundry and start eating square meals again. Oh and my kids would love it if I would stop slipping away to "adult meetings" and to stop listening to people talking on the computer and read them some books already. Right. Back to my beautiful precious life then.
Goodnight friends.

autumnish

It has been beautifully autumnish these past few days. Though I must admit, these photos are from last week. This week, despite some lovely weather, I have been inside a lot. With the boys off on adventures with their grandparents every morning, I've been bustling about cleaning and sorting and organizing our little home. People talk about spring cleaning, but fall cleaning is where it's at as far as I'm concerned. There are many long indoor winter days ahead of us, and I feel much more able to welcome them when I can put my home in order a little first. Though I am getting rather tired of sorting papers and shuffling storage bins around. I think I will be out soaking up this golden autumn sun for the rest of the weekend.

I hope your weekend is bright and warm, friends.

waterlogged

This morning I woke to the words "Mama! The water is spraying all over!"

A pipe we didn't even know we had burst in our back room. Luckily we only keep recycling and such back there. Perry spent the day in our "crawl space" - in quotation marks because crawling is impossible. He has to slide around on his back with insulation and pipes dangling down in his face, the passage is so narrow. The poor fellow is miserable and it still isn't fixed. So we are without water and wondering if we can find a really skinny plumber who is willing to shimmy around under our wet house.



And yet, the day had its sweet spots as it always does. I made this terrific soup for supper with plenty more for tomorrow. I let Ari watch a movie and was able to sit and watch The Snowman with him for a bit, snuggled up together. Dori heard me say the word "gentle" and toddled over to pat my face softly.



Even when the pipes burst I know my life is blessed.

whether the weather be cold

A bunch of random photos. Laundry on the line and leaves on the ground when the weather was lovely, a baby peeking outside at the snow when it was snowy and blizzardy and -10 (wearing some ridiculous too-short, mama made sweater-pants and baggy attempt at a hand knit vest. Sometimes I think this crafty-mama thing is as much a curse as a blessing for my children!)
It's been a mix of play-outside-in-the-leaves-and-sandbox kind of weather with lots of stay-in- the-house-knitting-and-playing-and-making-bagels sort of weather. Mostly the latter. Wood piles and cozy up by the fire sort of weather.

We're in!

We made it into our house, just before the throngs arrived and the Solstice party started. Things are still rather sparse, as most boxes are still unpacked but we'll be able to settle in slowly and spend the holidays together in our "new" home. I am so very glad. We even managed to get a tree today, and Ari loves last years thrift store candle tree (so many to blow out at the end of dinner!) He is adapting pretty well and we are trying to keep things as mellow as possible with all that there is to do. I think he's pretty happy with the new space.
And Sammy is done! I still have some last minute crafting for other gifts, but this one is done. He has not made his arrival yet though, I am waiting for a time when things feel a little less hectic so that Ari can really get to know him.

Here is the detail on his clothes- that bird trim makes me happy.
And here he is snuggled (squished might be a better word) into a wooden doll cradle my mom found at a garage sale last summer. And the fuzzy acrylic blanket? That was my doll blanket as a girl. Makes me all sentimental.
There was a lovely solstice gathering at the farm last night. A potluck and candle lit walk through the woods that the kids just loved. The moon was out and the night was warm. Most of the pictures I took looked like this:There was also a sun pinata that Ari took a swing at and managed to bump lightly a few times before the big kids got to breaking it open. He filled his pockets with coloured feathers and jingle bells, completely bypassing the candy (I don't expect that to last forever!) He woke up this morning saying "kieeds!" (kids) and "party!" and we assured him that there was going to be plenty of festivities to be had in the days to come.

Merry Merry!

a floor sander, a sleepy baby, and me.

Here are my feet on the smoothest, loveliest floors north of Vancouver. Also pictured is my dear friend the floor sander for whom I have developed a strong affection. I really couldn't have done it without her hard work and dedication.

I do not have a picture of the other things that have been going on around here, because after the big push to get the floors sanded and varathaned, (not totally done yet) I started going a little crazy. I have been in serious denial about how much work there still is to do and how quickly the time has gone. I actually counted how many days we have left before this house we are staying in fills up with guests and relatives (not our own,) and I started panicking. I have been managing to keep it together with being out-of-home all these months, but something about the idea of not having a home during the holidays makes me want to sit down and cry. And with Perry working full time, there isn't much I can do during the day towards getting the project done. Construction zones just aren't good places for toddlers. So I started crafting. What else is a girl to do?

I don't have any pictures of projects just yet, they are all in a big heap in the corner of the room we are living in, and I keep forgetting to take out the camera. I will. That is something else I can do while I twiddle my thumbs waiting for Perry to get home so we can get some work done.

I do have a photo of my adorable boy sleeping, however. This nap (when was it? I can't remember, it's all a blur,) was an exceptional one, he just fell asleep while reading books to himself. This never happens. Never ever ever. This terrific, wonderful baby of mine is not wonderfully terrific at sleep. It is not his strongest trait shall we say. So a nap in a pile of books is most certainly photo worthy.

And I am still holding out hope of being in our house before the the holidays. I envision our beds set up in the bedrooms, a christmas tree with a few decorations (I've been sewing those, we've never actually had a tree before) and not much else, but creating a special little family space for ourselves. If we really work really really hard...maybe...

a little brighter

I needed a day like this, where the sun shines through the grey and the air sparkles and the light is so bright it hurts, but it burns away the gloom. This last little stretch has been a tough one- we have been pulling late nights trying to get things done in the house after the babe is asleep, painting and cleaning drywall dust and moving things to be ready for the floors. This crunch time has coincided with my parents being away (they never go away. ever.) so childcare is out, which means we are trading off constantly trying to get the work done. So there are no breaks from childcare or working in the house, no time together as a couple or a family, and any moment we do have together is found talking over the baby's head trying to make decisions about construction. It is exhausting and unsustainable, but that is not what this post is about. This post is about this beautiful day that has made me feel better and helped me remember that I am blessed, even if I am busy and tired. I mean, look at these little feet in the snow! And this view. I feel so lucky to be here on this land with my beautiful loves, and I know that all this craziness will soon pass. And even as we are in the midst of it all, there is so many moments that make me catch my breath with their wonder and sweetness. Like Ari learning so much so fast, trying out so many words, saying "it's hea-by" (heavy) as he carries around the firewood, and "happy!" when he snuggles on my lap.
Or putting the last coat of paint on our soon-to-be-bedroom walls and looking out the dust-fogged window at a glorious pink sky and realizing that we now have a window we can watch the sunsets from, and imagining all the nights we will watch the sky change through that very window.
And the pond that has frozen smooth enough to skate on (but not so smooth that it is a hazard for toddlers in boots!) and the neighbours that spent the morning shovelling it off in preparation for their skating party tomorrow night (we will be celebrating American thanksgiving here too, with our American neighbour-friends,) and the cobbler baking in the oven made from the last of the local plums, and my sweet husband who notices things I've left over at the other house he thinks I've been missing- my hand cream, some clothing- and leaves them for me- better than any bouquet of flowers.
And our friends that called when they heard our flooring contractor had backed out of the job to say "How about we come this weekend and put in the floor together?" We really are blessed. And the forecast calls for more sun tomorrow.

getting there

So this reno business is coming along- slower than I would like, but I can see the light at the end of the tunnel now. This is our flooring, stacked in the corners of the big house (it weights over a ton, so we can't stack it all in one place!) to keep dry until it is installed. It is locally milled birch, and we are pretty excited about it- especially after having a combination of old yucky carpet and plywood floors for all these years.
The drywall is done, and just needs to be primed so that we can paint it. That part will be exciting- I will be able to sneak away in the evenings to work on it, and putting colour on walls will make it feel like home. The rest of the house is entirely wood, which is lovely, but a bit much. Breaking it up with some colour will be good.

I can't quite get the colours to be true on the screen, but these are a few small cans for test strips- there are similar (but different!) shades of each colour- plus a couple light earthy browns for the bedroom- waiting for us to pick them up at the other paint shop. So we are looking at that smokey blue for the mud room, the green for the living room, and the orangey- peach for the studio. I am thinking of using the same colour as the studio for Ari's room, but doing a colour wash with it- but I have to figure out how to do that first. Oh! to have a studio! A bedroom for the babe! What luxury and excitement await us!